My Fear

When I reflect back on my childhood, I cannot help but think about how blessed I was.  Although, I never got that horse I wanted when I was six, for my mom said our backyard was not large enough.  This was bizarre because our neighbors had two, and our backyard was the same size.  Oh, and I never got a power wheel either!  I bring this up, for I may not have gotten everything I wanted, but my parents did provide me with everything I “NEEDED.”  My brother and I were truly blessed growing up, and I just pray that Gerald and I can do the same.  Every parent always wants the best for his or her child.  They want to make sure they have a better life than they did.  My parents did that and I pray to do the same.  Not being able too frightens me.

My parents were two hardworking, established, Christian parents.  After I was born, I was brought back to a two story, three-bed room home, which my parents had owned.  I had my own room, the dolls, and my own jungle gym set in the backyard.  Not one of those small ones.  One you find at the park.  All the neighbors loved to play at my house.  Not to forget I had a full size trampoline and a tetherball court.  When I entered the third grade, my parents decided to move my brother and I to a bigger home.  I never had to experience hardships, please do not get it twisted I was not spoiled!  My parents taught my brother and I the difference between things we “want” and things we “need.”  My mother was never into me getting caught up with all the expensive name brands, and if I had something name brand, never be a show off.  Grades were always important in my home.  The better GPA we had, the more we received.  If bad grades were brought home, it would not be a surprise to see things disappear out of your room.  My parents kept my brother and I in the church, and taught us how to be Christ-like, along with having our own minds and being hard workers.  Everything my parents did and gave up for my brother and me, I am truly grateful!  I do not think I could ever thank them enough.  They taught me so much, and always have been there whenever I needed them.

It is frightening to wonder if I could be as amazing as my parents.  I mean, I know I can, but “what if?”  My husband’s job is what complicates things.  We never know where we will be.  We own a home in MI, but I would never want to move back there, and my husband agrees.  We have discussed where we want to move, but in the end, it is still a difficult decision.  Yes, Gerald’s job keeps us on our toes, and when he is done with the NFL, he wants to be a college coach.  Once he gets into that that will also keep us away from our home, if he works in a different state than that we settled in.  With both jobs, you never know where you will be.  This is what terrifies me!  Starting a family with the frequent moves!  Once we get settled, who knows how long we will stay.  I have become a pro at moving, and packing things into storage.  Thinking about it all, does not sit well with me, the uncertainty of things, since I am about to become a mother.  I was always grateful that I was not one of those children that had to move around, and I pray that as my son grows we can get into a position to be somewhat more settled.  I have many great childhood memories.  I want the same for my child.  To remember childhood toys, his room, birthday parties, and friends.  Not the memories of things always being in storage.

Everyone is entitled to have fear from time to time.  I just have to remind myself, everything will be all right, for God has a plan.  I grew up with a great example of parents, and everyone learns from the best!